I'm So Tired...
Sleeping problems are not uncommon for me, but recently it has been excessively bad. I have not experienced any of Kate’s Signs You Might Be Sleep Deprived but I am sure they are not far away. Anyway I have just been stressing out about this house, the deal is done and the house is under contract so it looks likely that it all going forward. The problem is that it is a big risk I am stretching my self fairly thinly to make this work (I have some reserves left but not much) That in itself is not too big of a deal, but people that I work with keep quitting and I keep hearing rumors of more people leaving, my team is getting smaller and smaller. I’m sure this will all work out in the end but it is just allot to worry about right now.
I am also tired of getting treated like crap by one of my (supposed) friends Kristen. I do everything I can to be honest with her and she has absolutely no respect for that or me. I’m tired of blowing it off and pretending that I am not upset about it. This is a girl that I have been very attracted to for awhile. She knows this because I have told her. She was/is not interested in any relationship right now (with me at least). Great, fine, I can deal with that, the problem lies in that she cant even give me the respect to treat me as a friend, or even as a normal person with any feelings. We had a pretty big falling out over this issue when I came back from Hawaii. I wrote her a letter explaining/apologizing to her, but also was a little harsh when it came to her treatment of me and this situation. I gave her this letter just before she left for 3 weeks to take a class in California. I never heard from her while she was gone (as I expected) and I doubt I would have even know she was home except for a random encounter on the river. During this encounter we were both polite and nicely skirted the issue. As she was leaving she said "Ill call you." That was a week and a half ago. Granted, I understand if she doest want to deal with it or talk to me, but give me the respect to not lie to me, tell me the truth, tell me to fuck off, tell me I am stupid for thinking the way i do, or better yet actually sit down and discuss it! I know she is in the middle of moving and is a very busy person, but it takes exactly 30 seconds out of her day to call or write an email to let me know that knows I’m alive or cares even. I think she is a good person and I didn’t want to lose her as a good friend. But right now, if this is the way she is going to treat her friends (Maybe I’m not a friend anymore, because I know she has talked to all her other friends), I can’t see that happening.
I know this is pretty mean to her because I’m pretty sure she reads this, but I’ve been wanting to write about this for awhile now (I have before but with absolutely no details of the problem.) and just need to get it off my chest. I think it is justified for how shitty she makes me feel though (and she knows she does it because she told me), so there. None of this should be new to her, it is the same problem that has always existed.
9 Comments:
Rejection sucks. I really feel for you. But keep in mind that when two friends are involved, it's also hard for the person who is rejecting the advance. I don't mean to speak for Kristen (especially if she reads your blog!) but it sounds like she still feels awkward and probably just didn't know how to deal with it.
It's been a while since I've been in a situation like this, but in the past I was never very good at turning down a friend. You don't want to hurt their feelings, you feel weird, you feel guilty, you wonder about all the little moments where you may have unknowingly led them on, and you then end up retreating and trying to avoid the situation entirely, thus failing at your primary goal which was not to hurt the other person's feelings.
I don't know the finer details of your disagreement, but it sounds to me like the two of you just need to give it some more time. Don't push her too much. If she's really the friend that you thought she was, she'll come around eventually.
I know and I agree, that is why I feel bad for getting mad at her. I guess I understand. It is just really hard, we have been friends for a long time and I am the one that really causes this because I dont like to hide my feelings, I like to be honest, but it is that honesty that is the source of tour problems.
I really would like to believe that your reasoning is why she doesnt want to talk to me. But it has been almost 2 months now since we last really spoke as friends, and a month since this problem came up.
Well I must applaud you for having the guts to tell her how you felt, because it's something I was NEVER able to do. Not that I didn't talk to guys, flirt, etc. I'm sure sometimes I was really obvious. But the idea of directly expressing romantic interest with no guarantee of return is something that just paralyzes me with fear. So I really admire your ability to do that.
I don't know if you go back far enough to check this comment ever again, but...
As a person who develops and admits crushes on women and is usually dissapointed with the outcome let me just say-
WOAH!
I mean, seriously. There is something in live that makes two people connect. However, sometimes one person is able to connect while the other does not. There is no accounting for when and where this happens, but it does. One of the ways this happens is that one person imagines that there is something more special about the other person that is actually the case. Several times in my own life it has happened that the person I have imagined a gal to be is not, in the end, who she truly is. The thing is you have to get over this business.
Similarly, once you have told someone your feelings, and they let you know that they do not feel the same way (and quite often their way of doing this may be avoiding the topic) you need to aknowledge this and get on with life. Continue the friendship if you can, but don't expect it to ever be "the same" again. If the statement of his/her feelings for you is not overt, it is up to you to catch the clues that are sent to you.
Jesus, I need a date.
Laters.
-A.R. Leith
I understand and believe that completely. I know that this is what is happening to us right now but regardless I think that way she wants to handle it (ignoring it) is not the way to go and is very disrespectful. She says she wants to continue our friendship but from the effort Ive seen from her on trying to solve the issues does not help much at all.
dude, forcing her to handle it the way you want to deal with the situation seems equally childish to me. I think you should also be more accepting of her wishes in all of this. But again, that's just me, and I'm forever single. Word.
-A.R. Leith
No clue if you'll read this comment either, but I've been in your shoes before. Granted, it was a long time ago when I was in high school, but the girl was my closest girl-friend at the time. And man did I get rejected hardcore. The problem was that we were close friends and she had this VERY flirtatious way about her so it made it that much harder. Add in the fact that she would confide in me about who she really liked and I was a mess for a couple months. It goes away, but not until you really want it to. In retrospect, it's a good thing, I moved on, because short months later, I met my now wife.
Andy, I have accepted that, and to me the entire situation is wrong, and incorrectly handled on both sides. Missunderstandings all over the place. All I want to do is clear up those misunderstandings and get on with it. She does not seem to want to do that, I have tried as honestly and politely as I can to explain where I feel I made mistakes and what I thought of some of her actions, What I expected back was the same thing from her so that I would know her side of it and what I can do about it. Instead I get a responce that says I have blamed her for everything and sorry that she makes life so difficult. It is exactly these type of missunderstandings that I am attempting to clear up. It just does not seem to be happening that way.
She sounds defensive, which means she probably feels like she's under a lot of pressure from you. I really think the best thing you can do is back away for a few months, and then try to start over. It doesn't always work, but I've seen it happen.
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